What's happening with you?

[DarkHell]

The long time passed away since i played my last stronghold crusader game. I lost interest in this game so I didnt play anymore. Doctors diagnosed me with psychosis when i was 21 years old, now I am 29 and still fighting it. I do some things in my village, cutting grass with machine and blade, go walking with the dogs, but most of the time sit in my living room doing nothing. I have problems with attention, logic thinking, organization of my life, anxiety, preoccupation, emotions. I am afraid of many things in my life. I lost step with my generation. They all finised their universities and they work. I dont work and I dont know to work anything. What I do in free time is too many push ups, pull ups, excersize for stomach. I HOPE YOU ARE ALL GOOD WITH YOURSELF. I ALSO HOPE HOLY LORD WILL DELETE ALL MY STUPID POSTS ON THIS FORUM, IT SOMETIMES REMINDS ME OF WHAT PROBLEMS THIS GAME CAUSED TO ME. PEACE TO ALL OF YOU.

[{{DHK}}HolyLord]

Your stupid posts are all part of SHC's history, don't hate them.

Your problems don't sound too crazy for an old SHC player.  Life is a trip and this game and community was special.  I haven't played since ~2013 but I still feel a strong connection and some deep feelings about SHC and the people from its history.  I think if you spent too much time in it, like many of us did, you'll come out with some issues.  Many of your issues are normal for our generation too, anyways.

What do you do with your time mostly?  Surely not just sit doing nothing?

HL

[DarkHell]

I dont have motivation to do many things. I dont move too much. Sometimes i go to walk 2-3 kilometers, but most of the time i sit in the room drinking coffee and watching national tv, just few times going out to check my dogs and sheep cuz i live in the village. I am on therapy so i cant drive tractor or car while i am on it. I dont have interest to science too, and if i dont know simple things how will i know hard math problems, physic, chemistry, law, theology, economy? When i do some push ups, my motivation a lil bit grows but thats for short period of time. Psychosis is state of the mind in which person loses contact with reality and start believing unreal things. Hallucinations and wrong ideas are problem. That can be eliminated easier than negative symptoms(less motivation, less good will, lazinies, sleep problems, thinking problems - wrong opinions). I have no contact with my friends too.
I know that i am part of SHC history but my reputation was not good. When i started playing D-F Tony told me “respect other people and they will respect you”. I had conflicts with players. Theres too much antagonism. I expected to win players who played SHC 10 years more than me, big expectations big despair. When i played my heart was beating too fast. Thats anxiety - strong fear. The trigger for my disease was preocupation with akas. When Tbag told me that he is on Civo account i should accept that and not going to spam forum that they are one person. I dont know why i did that. After that, i start accusing everyone aka. I have to look forward, thats the part of the history now.

[Fahad]

Hello DH, today I happened to come across someone that made me think of the carefree times I had here on SHC so I thought I should come on this forum to see what is up with everyone.

Firstly, I would like to say that you have nothing to apologize for what you did, we were young, we were passionate about winning and almost all of us at one point or another did some things deemed inappropriate but that is what makes the memories so memorable now.

I am sorry about your diagnosis and your problems, I would like to add that life is not a marathon, its a journey, some people grow linearly but take a lot of time while others grow exponentially and grow all of a sudden, not everyone has the same privilege or environment so it is silly to make comparisons with your colleagues who got to finish university. If you want, just use coursera,udemy etc to learn the required skills and give services worldwide.

There is nothing that life throws at you that you can't throw back, I believe in you and that you will definitely overcome your problems. Live life on your own terms.

Try a guided meditation app like "Waking Up" maybe it can help with neuronal rewiring to form more coherent logic and rational thinking.

Stay safe n Peace :)